What’s An Influencer And How Do You Know You Aren’t One Right Now?

These days, people are dead set on creating the most obscure jobs possible. The digital space is the Wild West of new kinds of titles and personas to try on like funny little hats. What are you today? Oh, a consultant? A viral sensation? A content creator? A lifestyle guru? A digital nomad? Sure you are, kiddo.

However, one of the most daunting and perhaps most confusing titles the modern world has ever seen is the all-empowering, all-knowing influencer.

Get up from your chair right now and walk over to the mirror. Take a long, deep look. Notice the shape of your eyebrows, the curvature of your cheekbones. Are you…are you an influencer? How do you know? Can you type it in your LinkedIn profile and mean it? What’s the point of anything?

Here are some questions to ask before promoting yourself to this shiny and highly sought after position in the modern day world.


QUESTION 1: Do you have an instagram with thousands of followers for no concrete reason?

The top definition on Urban Dictionary for Influencer is: A makeup, hairstyle, or fashion blogger who is instafamous only on Instagram or buys “followers” and “likes” and gets free products from companies who fall in their trap of fake fame.

The American dream has changed in recent years. Fame and fortune quite literally could happen with a click of a button, and people are anxious to click away. What is our best asset? Are your eyebrows iconic? You better have at least 200k followers (don’t worry, you can buy likes!), present a fantasy, and get those sweet, sweet brand deals.

Influencers of the Future Come From The Past

QUESTION 2: Are you a celebrity in your own mind? What about out of it? How many paparazzi are around you right now?*

*PLEASE NOTE: Your mother does not count.

If you ever go to a famous person’s instagram, what do you see? Every fifth photo someone is inconspicuously posing with an out-of-place weird package of weight loss tea or a loose-fitting watch. Previous to this, celebrities or athletes on commercials did this — promoting a brand with a cheesy grin while throwing a football or something. Who made any of these people exciting enough to buy products from? Why are we following them? Whether or not these people are important, if we add value to something it becomes important. Scary!

Speaking of Value…

Value-Added Influencer

QUESTION 3: What are your credentials? Are they real or made up?

There is a certain subculture of influencers that actually do have the background and knowledge, and yet are presented in the shiny glow of hip and cool. These are the doctors with extra white teeth and weirdly long hair, telling you their everlasting industry secrets. These are the academics with their a little too “on the nose” hipster glasses. You look official as a value-added influencer, so you may as well use your humanities degree for something!

Being On The Internet Forever

QUESTION 4: Are you a person of the internet?

Essentially, you just need to be on the internet 24/7. Read through the comment sections of famous posts, watch a million Youtube videos where young people are talking about young things. For instance, you BETTER know what these COOL SAYINGS mean: “Spill the tea” (Alternative version, “Spill the truth tea”) “You better have receipts”, “I am shook!” (Alternative version, “I am quaking”) and more. There is a whole world of lingo that the youngin’s are expressing at an alarming rate. This is all part of the trendy world of marketing and if you’re not New and Now, what are you? Old and Before? Gross.

So, now you know what it takes to be an ultimate influencer. You have your trendy nails done, your hair is on fleek, and you’re about to Instagram yourself next to a puppy and say #goals. Once you’ve mastered these key concepts, you’ll be ready for brand deals and the spotlight.

But more importantly, will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror anymore?




Writer + Creative

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Sarah E. Miller

Sarah E. Miller

Writer + Creative

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