Top 8 Awesome (Horrible) Things to Say Besides “Happy New Year!”
Do you find yourself struggling to say “Happy New Year” every year around this time? Does it just not have the tone you’re looking for? Here are some alternatives to ensure you are primed for 2018!
- “Wow, you look old!”
2. “New Year, Same Old Horror Show, am I right, sonny?” *
*Be sure to have facial whiskers and a pocket flask to take a long drink after this statement
3. “If I had a penny for every time someone said “Happy New Year” to me, I would have zero pennies because I do not leave the house and no one texted me this year :(.”
4. “Do you remember how we were and are constantly threatened by nuclear war? Any given moment we could all die. Those 2018 glasses/tiara set you were wearing are pretty stupid now, aren’t they Samantha?”
5. “What are your New Year Resolutions?
Lose 20 pounds?
And when you don’t find happiness, then what?
Dye your hair a fun color?
Then what?
Adopt a dog?
THEN WHAT?”
6. “DUDE, Climate change isn’t even real anyway!” *
*Be sure to carry two aerosol cans with you and start spraying them into the air slowly
7. “Did you know menopause actually means “Men on Pause”,
get it?”*
*Pause for laughter and/or confusion
8. “2018, and you know what that means!”*
*please stare into the persons eyes for two minutes without blinking
Happy New Year, anyway. ❤
