The Spirit of Giving When All You Can Think About is Yourself

Also known as, “What can I get out of this?” or “Does this look good on a resume?”

In this multilayered cake, we are going to dive into the strangeness of giving, in a world that is centered around yourself.

…and myself.

This article is definitely mostly about me.

Layer 1: The Terrible Burden of American Individualism

In the land of individualism there is a sense of loss.

Watch American advertisements closely. In nearly every single ad it’s ultimately about you. It’s not necessarily about community, it’s not about your friends, it’s not about building a better environment for anyone else but you. You are the single most important thing in this universe, you sweet thang, you.

Think about alcohol commercials for a moment. If you drink name brand alcohol, you’re the center of attention. The warm, flattering spotlight is on you. You alone are the life of the party. Are you the smartest person in the room? Likely not, but you look like it. Your friends are stupid and meaningless, unless they are listening to everything you have to say. They are in literal darkness, while you beam brightly over your choice of an evening drink.

Meanwhile, it’s no big, startling secret that depression and anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the US. I myself have been diagnosed when I was 11. Why is that? Aren’t we supposed to be the land of the great? Or are these shiny messages covering up the fact that we are lacking something very near and dear to our hearts?

You know, All-American human connection.

Gross. I know. Who wants a genuine human connection, who wants to help your fellow man, when we can accumulate Instagram likes instead? Giving for the sake of giving is almost a novelty concept now. Giving has become Giving and Taking.

To be sure: I am guilty of this. I am not a good, virtuous person. All I do is think about what I can get out of anything. I hope to live in the lap of luxury with little to no effort. I am a product of my environment. I know all too well the sense of isolation that comes from constantly, forever wanting more without ever giving back.

Layer Two: Depression Gives You Yet Another Reason to Think About Yourself All of the Time

Is that man looking at me? What’s wrong with my face? I’m never going to get a job. I’m too fat to be loved. I’m not enough. Don’t look at me. Who, me? Yes, me.

Depression is a horrible self-involved monster that swallows you up. Inside its belly is only distorted mirrors in which to look at yourself, and yourself alone. Not only are you looking at yourself 24/7, everything is in negative focus. All of those fun commercials about being the center of attention are now horror shows. How can I go outside when everyone hates me? Yes, literally everyone. I am that infamous.

It’s one thing to think that you’re awesome (it’s easy to spot the most egotistical person in the room), but when you think you’re simply awful in all ways, it’s like a vacuum vortex taking away the last redeemable aspects of your mind and putting forth negative nothingness.

This isolating chemical imbalance is nothing but really thick quicksand. If you feel you can’t go outside and make someone else smile today, there’s a problem here. You’re not participating anymore. Was this the individualism that America dreamed about? If I isolate myself anymore will I disappear? Will anyone publish my journals as a tribute? Poor sad, overwhelmed, emotional me!

Layer Three: Your Family Probably Taught You That Giving is Bad

Nearly all of my family members are not big on volunteering. They are tremendous people in their own way, but traditional volunteering routes left a bad taste in their mouth. I don’t know if it’s an Italian thing. I don’t know if it’s an American thing. I don’t know if it’s a deeply rooted suspicion of people scamming each other, taking and not giving themselves. This mindset has created an environment where there is distrust with nearly everyone.

Seemingly, there was never “enough” even when there was plenty, and why give what you don’t have, even if you have it? Trust in a world full of takers is a big problem. Giving with faith that it will be received wholesomely is a concept that does not ring true in my family’s ears.

I guess the interesting thing about giving completely from your heart is that there is no hidden agenda on your end. You are giving. The end. There’s not a “what will you give me afterwards” part. If you give and someone takes with bad intentions, does that make the act of giving moot point?

There’s a strangeness when asking my family why they don’t volunteer. They scrunch up their faces and it’s always as if they just never have time. They don’t have the physical and emotional energy to give something for nothing when they believe someone always wants more.

It’s distorted my mind in many ways too. I haven’t volunteered for the majority of my life, and when I did volunteer, it was most certainly to get something out of it. To look better in the eyes of a prospective employer or college application.

Layer Four: Disconnecting From The People You Already Know

In other cultures, several generations live together on one roof. Just thinking about that makes me squirm. When people get old we cart them away. And we visit them periodically every couple of weeks or months, whatever suits us in our busy lives. We don’t care for our elders the same way other countries do. We need our space. Ever-expansive personal space.

Is that a good or a bad thing? I don’t really know, to be honest. There’s no rule book in the art of giving, especially when you’re taking care of someone who took care of you. Are you motivated by guilt if you take care of someone else? Are there no strings attached?

Layer Five: Karma

Karma is interesting. We think when someone does something bad, something bad will happen to them, as if the universe balances itself out in a cosmic teeter totter. If you do something good, on a weekly basis, will something good happened to you? Is there a math problem here? Do you feel compelled to give so karma will do its job and you will be free of your eternal shame?

Layer Six: The Gooey Core

Let’s be real for a second. Unless you’re a monster, there is a true sense of just feeling good when you give. This is what Christmas was, in a way, in its genuine sense of the holiday, without all of the family issues and icky consumerism. You just give. You give money, you give time, you give hugs, you give love and you give light. You, momentarily are giving in the pure sense of the word and it actually feels pretty damn good. There is a beautiful freedom in giving. You become less self focused and turn your face towards the greater good. There is a lovely humanness in the act of giving that no amount of logic can out trump.

…But is that enough?

And more importantly, will it look good on my resume?