Ain’t no Shame in the Crying Game

The past week and a half have been a little harder for me. I went for a job that would have absolutely boosted my career as a writer, and I only lasted four days! For all intents and purposes, the job simply wasn’t a good fit for me.

The days that followed included me beating myself up A LOT. I wanted to be stronger, more resilient, and more open to new experiences. I wanted to convince myself that an opportunity of a lifetime means my whiny body needs to shape up or ship out. I wanted to understand things instantly. But if your body is physically telling you THIS IS NOT FOR YOU CHAMP, and you’re doing all of the normal self-care techniques so you know it’s not just Anxiety-of-something-new knocking on your door, listen to yourself god damn it.

This is something I obviously still need to work on.

We are part of a society, and comparing ourselves to others is inevitable. What one person can do seamlessly, another person can’t do it all. It’s really easy to get into a spiral. The problem with this line of thinking is that it’s so one-dimensional. What someone else may be able to do, doesn’t take away from what you can do (which is always more than we give ourselves credit for). It doesn’t mean you’re an adult baby just because you can’t do something. Or power through the pain! Or ignore everything including your body falling apart!

As an expresser of emotion on a public platform, I know that this irks some people but also can bring other people feeling more connected to their own emotions. This can be my superpower instead. I’m good with that.

In essence, I found a limit of myself as a writer in a certain profession. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that, it doesn’t have to mean I am a failure in every aspect of my life. It just means I took a detour to discover something new about myself (a limit, surprise — we all have them!) and now I’m doing a U-turn.

Beating yourself up only exacerbates the situation. Have a good cry, and be OK with that emotion, and then do what you need to do to move forward in your own sensitive, elegant, messy, interesting, detour-filled way. ❤️