7 Totally Easy (Actually, Very Hard) Ways to Take Care of Your Heart

Protecting your heart ain’t easy. There are times where we’re interacting with people that challenge us, enlighten us and most scarily: have the potential to break our hearts. In this steady diet of chaos, we’re inclined to become hardened versions of ourselves. We might engage in trying to be “nonchalant.” We may practice with our eyelids half closed with a devil-may-care attitude. Is this the only way? Are we not allowed to be emotionally open human beings while not walking directly into the cave of painful outcomes?

Let’s find out.

1. Shit Must Hit the Fan

The first, perhaps the most important thing we must always understand in protecting our hearts is that we can’t “protect” ourselves from getting hurt after all. If we stay inside and close the curtains for the rest of our lives (literally or figuratively!), we will wreak havoc in another direction. We have absolutely no choice but to experience the uniquely textured human condition. More importantly, we must experience it at first very stupidly.

Our first heart break might feel the most intense because our baby heart has been sacrificed to Mt. Doom. Accept these lessons in your heart of hearts that you will get hurt no matter what precautions you take. If you avoid getting hurt, you’re going to hurt yourself by default. Getting hurt is, in fact, unavoidable.

2. Don’t Minimize Your Feelings

When something really bad happens and you feel that heartache slowly suffocating your insides, you may be attempted to minimize it for others benefit. You don’t want others to see your gross emotions after all! You may start saying things like “Well, things could always be worse!” “Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as that one story I heard from whats-her-face!” You might be tempted to stuff this pain you’re experiencing deep inside instead of processing it.

Instead of reasoning it away, embrace it. It’s okay that you’re hurt. Are you listening? It’s okay to express your pain. Pretend I’m hugging you like Robin Williams (RIP) does to Matt Damon in Goodwill Hunting. It doesn’t make you any less responsible, or reasonable or whatever other adjective you’d like to be presented as. You’re in pain, and it’s okay to experience and express it.

3. Don’t Maximize them Either

On the other hand, my god, it’s so easy to wallow. Don’t get me wrong, take a little time to wallow. Put on your favorite sweatpants and eat that Cherry Garcia while watching reality TV in a dark room for a few hours. But if your pain starts turning into a Shakespearian level drama over an extended period, consider looking for other outlets to deep dive into. Do you like painting angry things? Swimming in a cold river to take the edge off? Try something else to shake off this excess wallowing energy.

4. Baby, I need Some Space

Sometimes our hearts, those big, gushy emotional things, like to trick us big time. What may be “totally someone else’s fault” actually might be partially our faults. What may feel like anger, actually might be genuine sadness. No one ever said loving and living in the world was easy. Yes, we’re one part logical, sound human beings, and the other part is an emotional symphony. We often feel things before we can identify them. And sometimes we can’t identify them right away.

First you’re going to feel petty or judgmental or over the top angry. And then what? What happens next? Instead of doing what you always do (I like to write long dramatic texts personally), maybe take a day or two to figure out what is actually happening. More often than not, it’s pride related. Before finding a finite answer, give it a little wiggle room to explore the possibilities of what is happening in your head and heart and then, once other parts of your psyche start chiming in, act accordingly.

5. Chaos, then a Sense of Humor

When your heart is broken, it feels absolutely awful. You will wallow, you will go through the seven stages of grief for all types of situations.

But then, you might catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror looking like a hot mess. At first, maybe it’s pathetic, but then — — It’s kind of funny, right? Look at that snot stain on your shirt. The running mascara. Wow, you’re really going for it!

My chin quivers when I cry and it might be the most cartoonish thing I’ve ever seen. Finding the humor in the chaos will lighten your emotional load.

6. Ain’t No Shame in the Crying Game

Speaking of crying, it’s a crying shame when people think of crying as a weakness. If something horrible happens and you don’t want to cry, where does that negativity form instead? Deep in your chest? Saving it for an anger-filled snack later? Let the water works come, when and if they are able. It’s healthy and normal and to be honest with you, whoever told you otherwise is flat out wrong. I should know, I’m a professional crier.

7. Your Heart Ain’t Always Right

So you fall in love with the devil incarnate. Your heart isn’t always right. You trusted someone with a business deal and they flat out scammed you. Your heart isn’t always right. It’s okay to not always be right. In fact, it’s statistically impossible to be always right. Your heart is right, until it isn’t. You can’t always be in control of what the future has planned for you.

In other words, don’t be too hard on yourself. If you’re going to be the lion tamer of your big and beautiful heart, you must first know that your heart needs jump right back into the thick of it and start over again.